


Fucking Jackalopes

by cynicalkairos



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Discarded coffee, First Kiss, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Cancer, Neck Kissing, Partial Nudity, Paul Matthews (mentioned), constantly confused Ted, i actually remembered some shit, jackalopes, kind of suave Henry Hidgens, me being a giant nerd, minor tho - Freeform, rip coffee, thanks to my bio teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 22:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalkairos/pseuds/cynicalkairos
Summary: Through Ted's early morning rambling, Henry realizes many things like you know, the cure for the apocalypse and the cure for his crush over Ted.AKA: the fic where Ted says something smart and Henry gets easily flustered.





	Fucking Jackalopes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is exactly like the fic that I posted on my tumblr cynicalkairos, but with some revisions and more detail. So, if you read the original on my tumblr, there's a few new things in there that new. I hope you like it. They are truly one of my favorite ships of all time. 
> 
> Welcome to what my sleep deprived mind created (with a lot of revising from my not-so-sleepy self) :)

“You know, I know jack shit about science, but I can tell you one thing, Henry, the jackalope is real. I mean, I know that the unicorns are total bullshit. But jackalopes, they’re fucking real—“

Truth be told, Henry zoned out a long time ago.

Of course, he could rarely tune Ted out completely… especially when he’s standing as close as he was. Due to their close proximity, Henry heard Ted’s mumbling clearly despite his own hearing decreasing and Ted lowering the volume of his voice. He felt the fabric of his shift brush up against him every time Ted raised the mug of coffee up to those perfect lips—

“Good god, Hidgens,” he thought to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. “Get yourself together.”

Ever since Ted joined him in his lab for hours and hours on end, he began noticing the different features that created his Ted. Ted would sometimes come in while drunk and just badger him with questions until Henry paid attention to him. Other times, Ted would watch him work silently and listen to Henry explaining the experiment or some biological insight. However, this event where Ted joined him in the early morning and it was just the two of them was rare. It was his ideal combination of the two situations, Ted’s drunken rambling and his sober physique. Honestly, this was when Henry found him the most attractive.

Henry glanced over at Ted briefly and took in the figure leaning on the countertop beside him. He could tell that Ted had just woken up due to his clothes and overall disheveled state. Then Henry’s eyes traveled up to his face and gazed at his face. The stubble scattered on his neck and jaw accented his jawline and cheekbones, creating a shadow that highlighted his already stunning features perfectly. And those lips— oh god, the ones that said his name like a melody that won every single—

“Henry?”

Henry suddenly returned to reality and blinked a few times.

“Shit, Hidgens, you’ve done it again,” he thought while clearing his throat. Then he looked back into the microscope to mask his growing blush, mumbling, “Yes, Ted?”

“Are jackalopes real?” Ted asked sincerely.

Henry chuckled at his tone. For a second, if he didn’t smell the coffee from the cup, he would have thought Ted was drunk. “No, I am reluctant to say it, but they’re not. How did you come to this realization?”

“Well, I was just thinking about how being a jackalope would fucking suck. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be some monster that gets locked up as the opening act in a freak show or anything like that. I’d rather live in a tiny burrow in the ground and die of old age or cancer—“

“Cancer?” Henry muttered and he paused to gather his thoughts. Then he furiously adjusted the microscope and searched the cells rapidly. "Ted, you're a goddamn genius."

"Me? No, no, definitely not—"

"Yes, you are. You see, I initially thought that the apotheosis spread in a manner similar to spores of a fern or pollen from a flower and therefore, conducted my research on that notion," Henry said while standing up and gesturing wildly as he moved around the room. "However, if we treat the blue shit as a tangible form of cancerous cells, then it all makes sense."

"What makes sense? Henry, dumb it down for me, will ya? I've barely had my coffee." 

The professor stopped what he was doing when he grabbed the right syringe and turned to Ted. He looked at the coffee and then trailed his eyes up to those beautiful brown eyes that warmed his very soul. Henry wished that he could live under his gaze for all of eternity. He wanted Ted by his side through it all. At the notion, a fond smile grew on his face, thinking, "Fuck, Hidgens, you fell fast."

He moved over to Ted and carefully showed him the syringe, whispering, "Cancerous cells plague the human body constantly, which our immune system takes care of to prevent the infection. Occasionally, the body does not notice that these cells are forming and they multiply rapidly, forming a mass. Then those cells infect other cells in the body and you know the rest."

Ted, still evidently confused, looked up at Henry, attempting to piece together the metaphor. "So, we are the cells?"

"Metaphorically, yes, but in reality, to cure those that were infected, we need to stimulate the production of white blood cells in the immune system to fight off the infection."

Ted's eyes widened and he nodded. "I think I understand."

Henry sat down on the stool again and worked quickly, yet with precision. After about five minutes, he jerked his head to up to Ted and admired him for a brief second, a soft smile gracing his face. He couldn't believe that his Ted did what he was trying to do for so long, just talking about fucking mythological creatures. With a shake of his head, he stood up and planted himself in front of Ted. He gingerly took the mug out of his hands and placed it on the surface behind him.

Ted looked at him with drowsy confusion lacing his features as he let himself be maneuvered. He asked quietly, “Henry, what the fuck are you doing?”

The question echoed in his head because truly what the fuck was he doing? Before he could stop himself and internally regret his decision, Henry gazed back in Ted’s eyes for a moment and felt his face flush deeply. He rested his hands on his jaw and ran his thumb along the rough five o’clock shadow, adverting his eyes to his lips. He definitely did not feel Ted’s jaw drop in shock and even more so did not notice Ted’s fingers approaching his turtleneck. Henry took a deep breath and looked back into his eyes, moving ever so slightly closer to those perfect lips.

“I’m thanking the man who saved the entirety of human life on Earth.”

At that moment, Henry pressed a gentle kiss onto Ted’s lips and just as he began to move away, Ted’s hands closed around the fabric of his shirt and reeled him in closer, stripping the kiss of any prior innocence. Ted deepened the kiss and shifted his hands down Henry’s body to his hips. Henry let out a soft gasp and ran his free hand through the already messy hair with a gentle tug. 

Soon after, Ted pulled away gently, leaning his forehead on Henry’s. They breathed deeply for a moment until Ted looked up at Henry and said, “Again, Henry, what the fuck was that?” 

Henry gaped at him for a moment and unconsciously played with Ted’s hair, calculating some suave words to say, but his mind failed him. He frowned and stumbled, saying slowly, “Well, Ted, I… I— good god. I… like you, Ted.”

"Clearly," he said sarcastically with a small smile growing on Ted’s face and chuckling in amusement. “You like me, Henry? You sound like a teenager.”

“Don’t make me say it like that again,” he muttered, glancing away in embarrassment. Then he regained his composure and sighed. “But, if you don’t reciprocate my… feelings, then I understand and we can just forget—”

Ted silenced him with another kiss, his hold on his hips tightening. Henry pulled away and frowned, continuing, “That doesn’t answer my question—”

Ted kissed him on the cheek and then proceeding to his jaw, saying, “For the love of God, Henry, of course, I find you attractive. Like, holy shit! Have you seen yourself?" Then he pulled away from him entirely and ran his hand across Henry's torso in admiration. His eyes followed his hand intently and he mumbled, "Those turtlenecks do you no justice and every goddamn justice all at once.”

This statement caused Henry to blush severely, red covering his cheeks and down to his neck, as Ted continued to lower his hand closer to his— “Ted…” 

“And your hips— fuck, after the first time I saw you dance, I couldn't wait to see how they would move against my—” 

“Ted!” Henry mumbled loudly and immediately became flustered, eventually relaxing once more and smiling softly. “Kiss me again, will you?”

Ted nodded enthusiastically and kissing him with more passion than done previously. Henry tugged at the hem of Ted's shirt and parted momentarily to rid him of the fabric, tossing it on the stool. His gaze drifted down Ted's chest and up to meet his eyes once more, donning a mischievous glint in his eyes when he moved his hands up his chest and back around his neck. Without any restraint, Ted eagerly initiated the kiss again and planted Henry against the counter. 

However, in doing so, Henry accidentally kicked the cabinet door and created a large crash that resounded throughout the silence of the house, unbeknownst to Ted and Henry.

“Professor? Professor? Are you okay? I heard a…” Emma yelled as she came in and soon trailed off in surprise.

At the sudden sound, Henry looked at Emma with wide eyes and separated himself from Ted, earning him a small groan from the other man. “Emma! Did you...uh, need anything?”

Emma only smirked and stifled laughter at the two men looking completely disheveled and very much so caught red-handed. Henry had the end of his turtleneck beginning to peek out of his pants and Ted’s hair looked like a complete rat’s nest, not to mention that he was also, in fact, shirtless.

“About fucking time. Professor, I’m talking to you later. Have fun, you two, and remember to wrap it before you tap it!” 

“Emma!” Henry fumbled out and turned even redder, while Ted laughed into his shoulder.

She then turned around and closed the door, but they still heard her yell, “Paul! You owe me ten bucks!”

After she left, Henry looked at Ted and laughed along with him, pulling him into his embrace. Softly, he mumbled into Ted’s hair, “I can't believe I confessed to you because of some fucking jackalopes.”

"God bless those jackalopes," Ted agreed, before kissing Henry's jaw. "Now, where were we?"

———

When Henry finally emerged from his lab later that day, Emma did not hesitate to pull him into the living room to extract all of the details from him.

"No, Emma, he didn't hurt me in any way—"

"That hickey on your neck says differently, Professor."

"Emma!" Henry gasped and attempted to pull his turtleneck higher. "Let me rephrase that, he didn't hurt me without permission."

"Now, that just sounds kinky," she teased, causing the professor to sigh. "Anyway, are you two together?"

"Perhaps."

"Well, then, are you happy?"

"Yes."

"Did you guys actually fu—"

"You better believe it."

"Ew. Gross," Emma said, groaning after. "I really didn't need to know that."

It was Henry's turn to release a small chuckle and he shrugged. "Well, you asked, my dear." 

Emma paused momentarily, most likely to remove the previous statement from her memory. "Just let me know if he does anything and I'll kick his ass for you."

Henry averted his gaze from the floor and smiled at her, truly feeling the happiest he felt in a long time. He had both Ted and Emma at his side. Never at any point in his past would he have ever thought that he would have one, let alone two people who cared for him that intensely.

"Okay, I will."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, it was so long. I kind of got into writing and explicating more. Hope you like it.
> 
> Check out my tumblr cynicalkairos to either request some fics or check out some more that I write (even though I'll probably post them here too).


End file.
